Mood: See above.
Currently listening to: Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Ella Fitzgerald

Had a lousy day.

Went for the morning exam and, well, it turned out as i expected. Left it about an hour early and felt a little... crushed. Didn't bother with the second one in the afternoon and instead headed for home where i promptly fell asleep for approximately seven hours. Currently debating as to whether i should bother with tommorow's exam, as opposed to seeing my shrink.

Think i'll go to the exam. I'm such a glutton for punishment. :(

Didn't sleep well at all last night. Come to think of it, i don't think i slept at all, despite taking a sleeping pill and curling up in bed at 3am, which is early for me. Wonder why... guilt? Anxiety? Depression? Meh.

Had some strange semi-conscious dream (?) which mainly concerned a repeated flashing of various moving images of scenes of carnage, butchery, death and genocide amongst others. Scenes from various wars, of refugees, Auschwitz, the race riots... pictures and videos of all sorts which are nestled somewhere within my convulted memory. And the strangest thing was that throughout its entirety Somewhere Over The Rainbow was playing.

It was unmentionably heart wrenching.

I think i should stop watching the Discovery and History channels. Human history is a very painful thing to observe.

Spent some time pondering over my situation today. I was trying to pinpoint what it was, if such a thing could be found, that has now caused me to become a number in the demographic of 'troubled youth'. I have BECOME the constantly failing depressed student, the loner who sits drinking and chain-smoking in the corner table of the coffee shop staring despondently into empty space, cynically mocking the world behind clouded eyes...

It wasn't always like this.

Not by a long shot.

*sigh*

When all the world is a hopeless jumble
And the raindrops tumble all around
Heaven opens a magic lane

When all the clouds darken up the skyway
There's a rainbow highway to be found
Leading from your windowpane

To a place behind the sun
Just a step beyond the rain

Somewhere, over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullabye

Somewhere, over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true

Some day i'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are
Far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere, over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why, then oh why, can't i?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why, can't i?

:(