|A retreat for the well-being of my mind from the insanity of the life that is mine.|
Thursday, July 15, 2004 0 comments
Mood: Damn sleeping patterns (*yawn*)
Currently listening to: Lonely Day - Phantom Planet
*urgh* Its 3am and i have just (once again) woken up. Man, whats with the weird new sleeping schedule? Like the previous morning all i seem to recall is that i had just returned from having dinner and was merrily going about my way surfing through various blogs (i think it was about 10pm) when... WHAM! And the next thing you know, i'm cracking open my eyelids to a dark room with the comforting sounds of the cpu fan whirring away and its 3am in the morning... perhaps its insomnia of a different sort?
Well, just read Selina's blog and, yeah, the song she's talking about really does describe my day. Its even more appropriate given the fact that when i woke up at 3am this morning i was in a seriously angsty mood (sorry Sel...) because of a dream i had that... well... as i described tersely to Sel as underlining that sense of loneliness that i've been feeling in recent weeks. And, yeah, so the day goes something like this song does (creepily it played on her playlist right after i dropped off icq - how coincidental):
I could tell from the minute I woke up
It was going to be a lonely lonely
lonely lonely day.
Rise and shine rub the sleep out of my eyes
And try to tell myself I can't
go back to bed
It's gonna be a lonely lonely lonely lonely day.
Even though the sun is shining down on me and I should feel about as happy as can be
I just got here and I already want to leave
It's gonna be a lonely lonely lonely lonely day
Everybody knows that something's wrong
But nobody knows what's going on
We all sing the same old song
When you want it all to go away
It's shaping up to be a lonely day
I could tell from the minute
I woke up it was going to be a
lonely lonely lonely lonely day
So yeah, theres really not much to say about my day. Jules was busy, my mother was out for pretty much the entire day, and i kinda fell asleep just before i was supposed to meet Chen Hoe for mamak at 11pm (sorry man!)... Kinda forgot to have lunch, played some Vietcong by myself at the cybercafe in the evening, and then went to the pasar malam with my parents for dinner. And yeah, activities-wise, that was pretty much my day...
So what did i do with all that time on my hands? Well, perhaps i should mention that there was an undercurrent of... 'hate'(?) in my thinking today? Dark thoughts indeed. I actually spent most of the time just aimlessly walking around the area of my apartment and commiting myself to writing a rather spiteful (yet rather eloquent if i do say so myself) treatise that dealt with some ranting and raving on the various 'weaknesses' and 'frailties' (for lack of a better description) of myself and pretty much everyone i know - however remotely. Yes, chances are very high that i wrote about YOU dear blog reader, whether or not it is justified from my having known you personally or not. In fact, its saved as a blog draft at this very moment. A very hurtful document, to which i'm glad that none of you out there can read... and i am more than a little ashamed at having written such a (long) piece of work. Ouch. Actually, i think i'll delete it right now so that it will never see the light of day... :(
Ah, thats better...
Phew, i guess its just as well that i didn't meet up with anyone today given my rampant cynicsim/capacity to say something hurtful. Strangely enough, i didn't write about my immediate family - strange that. Perhaps its from the underlying guilt which i yet feel about their selfless belief in me (argh)... Must keep such things in check in the near future. Dammit, this is starting to look like the ramblings of a madman, but hey, there you have it.
Oh, there was this part in it as well where i was ranting about 'The Use of Weapons' which was based very loosely on the book of the same name by Iain Banks which Jolly Lucifer loaned me some time ago (remember?). Basically, it concerned itself with how anything, through careful use and manipulation, can be turned into a weapon with which to wield against someone be it actual physical objects or something as simple as words or the tweaking of emotions within someone or even the situation around you. Like any physical weapons mastery it does require a lot of discipline and practice (not to mention a bit of an irrational sadistic streak) to master the various techniques involved whereby you try to take advantage of your opponent's weaknesses while attempting to minimize your own exposure to potential counter attacks or even from the harm with which your weapon of choice may cause to the user themselves. It really is amazing what a little imagination, coupled with strict and brutal personal emotional control, can do in order to destroy one's opponent so completely, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I guess the main lesson is to learn how to craft such weapons, the timing and skill required to weild it, to remember to use it imaginatively in order to catch them by surprise, and to basically hold nothing sacred, morally nor personally emotionally, in the pursuit of the destruction of one's enemy. On the downside, you'll probably lose some of yourself (in the most general sense) in the process - but thats always a given when it comes to such confrontation.
Very bushido don't you think?
Well, all ranted out. Oh, and in case you haven't noticed i've actually added more links to the sidebar (finally!) as well as two new blogs to the fold - namely Yolanda's and Huey's! So be sure to check 'em out ok? ;)
Oh yeah, got some news from Zamil...
- Seems that he's been feature in yesterday's Star newspaper as well as the New Straits Times! Be sure to check it out and could someone please scan in the NST article? Thanx...
- He'll be on HitzFM at 7:30am in the morning, today, in order to give an interview/promo thing with the radio jocks so try and catch it ok? Now, how the hell am i gonna record it??? Could someone pls try to do this for me?
- The Malaysian Idol insider has been updated with a bunch of new articles and photos, so be sure to catch up on things there ok? ;)
- Most importantly, voting begins this weekend! After the LIVE show on Friday (tomorrow) voting will be open until Sunday morning before the results will be announced! Make sure that you vote! The process will be shown on the programme tomorrow or you can find it here (remember, its 70c per SMS!). Remember, you should be typing VOTE ZAMIL and sending it to 33308. Go Zams!
*phew* All blogged out - gonna join sel and CH for some iSketch now... ;)
Name: Patrick Pincon
Studied at: Monash
Work: Business Development
Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
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