|A retreat for the well-being of my mind from the insanity of the life that is mine.|
Wednesday, May 26, 2004 0 comments
Currently listening to: Ave Maria - Beethoven, Ludwig van
Well i think i'm finally getting out of this particularly long moody period of mine - i'm actually replying to messages and even managed to hang out with Leonard for a fair bit today. I still suddenly find it hard to talk or react to people to a certain extent which borders on uncomfortable but i will persevere - a little practice and i should be back to my pretentious, boisterous self. Hmm. Resignation, or are the chemicals finally working? Then again, come to think of it, it was probably just circumstance that i ran into him while i was at uni. That, and the fact that he broke up with his girlfriend over the last week. Ach, even a depressive such as myself can give some measure of comfort to a friend. Le pauvre... :(
Such is the risk of falling in love in the first place i suppose. One is always willing to live with the risk - no, the inevitability - of heartache and pain during the initial blossoming of love, believing that what there is to gain will far outweigh that which is felt in the end. But when the relationship does end, whether through anger or other irreconcilable differences, doesn't it always seem as though one's initial feelings on the matter are to be found at fault? Doesn't the pain of that loss feel so acute that one swears off love and all that it holds dear in order to resolve to never being hurt again in such a way? Or in resigning oneself to the thought of never finding anyone else who could even begin to compare with your (ex) beloved?
Only for it to all uncontrollably happen again... How very, very human.
Truly, we are beings who are only disposed to living in the present in everything that we do, while being eternally cursed with an incredibly biased sense of awareness towards the consequences of our current actions. Which is not necessarily a bad thing mind you, nor a good one either i suppose.
Hmmm... all very paradoxial in nature as usual. Ah well...
On another sad note, i just heard from my mother today that my friend Jonathan (of FCUK modelling fame - you can reread our little adventure in the world of catwalk modelling here! ;p) has failed in his bid to join the British police force, apparently for being 'too nice' (these anglais i swear). Felt truly awful upon hearing this news because he really had his heart set on the whole venture and while he was down we had entire discussions on the issue while joking on how, should i come down for a visit at the end of the year, 'PC Tan' would show me the sights and seedy drinking holes of Manchester with an official police cruiser acting as our taxi. ;)
Alas, 'tis not to be i suppose... Apparently he's currently studying again - for an Accounting degree! No, Johnny! Nooooo!!!!
Ach, mes pauvres amis... :(
In other news i've been having a lot of strange dreams once again as well as a whole sequence of thoughts and images during the normal course of my day. Well, normal to me. Ran out of sleeping pills and that may be part of the reason as well i suppose... Of course, the latest ones seem to be in the form of music videos for some reason. I have no idea why.
Let's see... the last one which i can remember was one where i seemed to be in a gigantic, plushly decorated hall, with one of the walls consisting of a huge bank of television (?) screens portraying various scenes of war, propaganda and chaos, while the main massive curved wall was completely made up of huge glass (?) panes giving a majestic view of... the planet earth. None too far away either may i add, seeing as i was close enough to only see three quarters of the earth. And there was a live 20+ man band with, would you believe it, Shirley Bassey performing History Repeating by the Propellerheads. And in the meantime, on the large empty dance floor in front of the live band, the magnificent view, and the banks of TVs portraying scenes of war, was me. And i was dancing (tux and all) with a woman in a blue dress, in a Fred Astaire(ish)/ballroom/salsa sort of way... all in tune to the music of course.
Hrmmm... funky! ;)
Oh, that and i remember that one could see the occasional small explosion on the planet's surface (nuke?)... Dancing to the end of the world? History repeating? Self-destructive human nature? I don't know... :o
Errr... and on a different topic altogether i'm currently downloading more classical songs. By the way, and i'm absolutely terrible at remembering the composers or the names of the songs, does anyone remember which famous classical song had a cannon in it? I know the tune but... er... this IS a blog. And there IS a piece called 'The Fox Hunt' or something similar right (can't seem to find it on search on eDonkey)? Am trying my darnedest to find these pieces... and could anyone recommend a few more? Like i said i know how they go, but i don't know their titles or authors, so i'm just 'fishing' around on P2P for the ones i'm looking for!
Ok, got to get back to my eternal labour of hate...
Name: Patrick Pincon
Studied at: Monash
Work: Business Development
Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
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